The Easiest Way to Figure Out What You Really Want

Blog post description.Forget 'Find Your Purpose.' Start with what you don’t want. Clarity doesn’t always come from chasing big dreams—it often starts by removing what you refuse to tolerate: poor health, broken relationships, financial insecurity, and constant negativity. These ‘don’ts’ become your blueprint for action. Purpose isn’t found. It’s built—step by step.

7/18/20254 min read

What You Don’t Want Is the Key

We often hear advice like: “Find your purpose.”

But the truth is, that’s an overwhelming place to begin.

The human mind doesn’t always work well with abstract goals. It prefers clarity, certainty—even survival. And sometimes, the fastest way to discover what matters is not by asking “What do I want?” but rather:

“What do I not want?”

This question, simple at first glance, contains remarkable power.

It cuts through the noise. It reveals the non-negotiables. And it gives you a solid foundation to start building your life—even when you feel lost or unsure.

Let’s explore just a few things you know with 100% certainty that you don’t want.

1. You Don’t Want to Be Sick and Weak

Nobody wants to lie in a hospital bed, feel chronic pain, or live a life limited by poor health. This is not a “preference”—it’s a fact.

So, what follows?

If you don’t want to be unhealthy, then by reverse logic—you want to be healthy.

That means your actions must reflect this intention.

You don’t eat junk food every day.
You don’t avoid movement.
You don’t treat your body like it’s a machine that can run forever without care.

Instead, you:

Exercise regularly.
Choose clean, whole foods.
Prioritize sleep, hydration, and stress reduction.

This isn’t about motivation. It’s about logic.

If you don’t want sickness, you must choose the behaviors that lead to health. That’s clarity.

2. You Don’t Want Broken Relationships

Think about it: Do you want to argue constantly with your partner? To feel lonely, misunderstood, or in conflict with your family?

Of course not.

We all want to feel connected, respected, and loved. But we often forget that these things require effort—not just emotion.

If you don’t want damaged relationships, then you must learn how to build strong ones.

That means communication.
That means vulnerability.
That means learning to listen—not just to respond, but to understand.

You may have to swallow your ego. You may have to admit you were wrong. You may have to study human behavior, conflict resolution, and empathy.

It’s not easy—but again, it’s clear.

If you don’t want to be disconnected, your actions must aim toward connection. Not just when it’s convenient, but as a way of life.

3. You Don’t Want to Be Broke and Powerless in Old Age

This one hits deeply. Nobody wants to be 70 years old and dependent on others for survival. Nobody wants to worry about bills, medication, or basic dignity in their later years.

So, what does that tell us?

You want to be financially secure.

You want to be independent.

You want freedom.

Therefore, you must:

Learn how money works.
Understand investing, saving, and the cost of delay.
Develop a long-term strategy—even if it’s simple.

Don’t wait for motivation or a perfect plan. Clarity begins with this truth: You don’t want to suffer financially in the future.

So you start now—small or big, but consistent.

4. You Don’t Want to Live in a Constant Bad Mood

Nobody wants to feel anxious, angry, or depressed every day. We long for peace of mind, emotional balance, and a general sense of contentment.

So again, if you don’t want a bad emotional state, what do you need to do?

You learn how your mind works.

You practice emotional hygiene—just like brushing your teeth.

You might meditate, journal, or speak to a therapist.

You might learn cognitive tools to manage stress, triggers, and rumination.

Avoiding a negative state is a great place to begin—it’s clearer and often more motivating than chasing abstract happiness.

Four “Don’ts” = A Whole Life Strategy

Now pause for a moment and look at what we’ve uncovered just from four things you don’t want:

You need to move your body and eat well.
You need to develop healthy, honest relationships.
You need to master personal finance.
You need to regulate your emotional state.

That’s already a powerful life blueprint.

And what’s fascinating is this:

By simply acting on these non-negotiables, you move closer to a life that feels purposeful—even if you never asked “What is my purpose?” directly.

You become more energetic. More emotionally stable. More financially free. More connected.

And from that place, deeper desires begin to emerge. New opportunities open. Your true potential comes to light—not as a random moment of inspiration, but as a result of consistent action.

Final Thought: Build From the Ground Up

Too often, people sit and wait for clarity, passion, or meaning to arrive like lightning. But that’s not how the brain works.

As a psychologist, I can tell you with confidence:

Clarity is a result of action—not a prerequisite for it.

If you feel stuck, lost, or uncertain about your future, begin not with grand questions—but with grounded ones.

Ask:

What do I not want to experience in my health, relationships, finances, or emotions?

And then, act accordingly.

Let your behavior build the foundation. Let your progress create the clarity. Let your life reflect what matters—even before you have the perfect words for it.

You may be surprised how quickly “purpose” begins to reveal itself—not as something you find, but as something you create.

Step by step.

Choice by choice.

Not in theory—but in practice.

Just start.