What Are You Really Looking For?

Why Do We Feel Uncomfortable When We Do Nothing?

Have you ever noticed how uncomfortable you feel when you're just sitting around doing nothing? Maybe you’re scrolling through your phone or lying on the couch with no plans, and suddenly you feel uneasy, even guilty.

That’s not random. Your brain senses that time is being wasted. It knows you could be using that time to do something meaningful—something that fulfills your deeper needs.

What Do We All Deeply Want?

Even though we’re all different, most of us want the same basic things:

• Safety – to feel secure, especially financially and physically

• Connection – to be accepted, supported, and understood by others

• Emotion – to feel excitement, passion, joy, or even admiration

The level of each need varies from person to person. Some people need to feel totally safe before they can relax—usually, this means financial security. Others crave love, friendship, or simply being around people. And for some, attention and admiration really matter. They want to be seen and appreciated.

What we want to feel in the future—peaceful, respected, safe, joyful—is shaped by how strong each of these needs is inside us. And these needs don’t just affect our future. They shape what we do right now, every single day.

Strategy 1: Figure Out What You Don’t Want

Sometimes, it’s hard to understand exactly what we want in life. You might ask yourself, “What do I really need? More money? More love? More fun?” But the answers may not come easily.

When that happens, try this simple trick:

Think about what you definitely DON’T want.

Ask yourself:

• What kind of life do I never want to live?

• What kind of person do I not want to become?

• What do I absolutely want to avoid?

For example:

• “I don’t want to be broke and stressed all the time.”

• “I don’t want to be alone.”

• “I don’t want to feel like my life is pointless.”

By exploring what you want to avoid, you can start to understand what you do want. It helps you set boundaries around your values and dreams.

And here’s a secret: when people say, “I don’t know what I want,” they often do know—they’re just avoiding the uncomfortable feelings that come with thinking deeply about their life. But if you’re brave enough to go there, you’ll start to feel more clarity and purpose.

Strategy 2: Don’t Just Chase Money — Create Value

Many people focus on income when thinking about their future. You’ve probably asked yourself:

“How much money do I need to be happy?”

And sure, some people feel super motivated by big money goals. They say things like, “I want to make $10,000 a month,” and that drives them to work harder.

But for many people, that strategy doesn’t work. They chase money, feel stressed, and end up lost.

Here’s a better approach, inspired by psychologist Andrey Kurpatov:

Start with the question, “What do other people need?”

If you do work that helps others, if your product, service, or message is useful and meaningful to them—and you can clearly show its value—the money will follow naturally.

Ask yourself:

• “How can I help someone today?”

• “What do I know or do that could make someone’s life easier, better, or more enjoyable?”

• “What problems can I solve for others?”

The truth is, when your work matters to both you and other people, it becomes powerful. You stay motivated. People pay attention. And eventually, you’ll get rewarded for that effort.

So instead of only thinking about how much money you want, ask:

What value can I create in the world?

That’s the path that lasts.

Strategy 3: Use What You Already Have

You already have more tools than you think.

Let’s look at what you’re good at, what you’ve done, and how you can use that to move forward.

Grab a notebook and write down:

• Your skills – things you know how to do, even if they seem small

• Your experience – past jobs, school, life lessons

• Your hobbies – yes, even the fun stuff!

• Your interests – topics you naturally enjoy learning about

It doesn’t matter if these things seem unrelated or not professional. Don’t limit yourself to one role, one job title, or one area of life.

Be honest. Don’t be humble. Don’t say “I’m not good at anything.” If you’ve raised a child, built a small project, made people laugh, managed a tough time—you’ve got skills.

Next, ask yourself:

“Which of these things can help me move toward my goal?”

Maybe you’re great at organizing and can help small businesses with systems.

Maybe you’re a good listener and could become a coach or guide.

Maybe you’re obsessed with coffee and could start a blog or business around that.

The goal is to connect your existing abilities to something meaningful—something that helps others and brings you satisfaction.

Final Thought: Move from Confusion to Clarity

If you feel stuck, unmotivated, or unsure about your next steps, don’t panic. It doesn’t mean you’re lazy or broken. It just means you haven’t yet connected what you do to what matters most to you.

Start small:

1. Notice what you don’t want

2. Ask how you can serve others

3. List your real skills, even the hidden ones

You don’t need to have everything figured out today. But the moment you stop waiting for motivation and start looking inward for answers—that’s when things begin to change.

You have what it takes. You just need to see it—and use it.