Understanding Who You Are and What You Want

Many people think that “finding yourself” is a magical moment — like one day you wake up and suddenly know who you are. In reality, it doesn’t work that way. Understanding yourself is not about waiting for a miracle. It’s about honest and consistent self-analysis. It means taking off the masks you wear, letting go of illusions, and watching yourself closely without lying to yourself.

Most people face three big problems:

• People don’t have a clear sense of “I.” What they have is just a set of automatic reactions.

• People don’t have real desires. Most of their goals are imposed by others.

• People don’t understand their true motives. Instead, they live with self-deception and compensations.

So, how do you begin to know yourself?

Step 1: Realize That Your “Self” Is Not Fixed

The first step is to accept a difficult but liberating truth: the “you” that you think exists in a solid, permanent form is actually not real. Most of your thoughts, emotions, and desires are not chosen by you. They are automatic. They are mechanical reactions of the brain.

When you become aware of this, something shifts. You start to see that many of your daily choices happen on autopilot. That’s why you might say you want one thing but end up doing the opposite.

Step 2: Learn to Observe Yourself Honestly

The path to self-knowledge begins with observation. Noticing how you think, how you react, and how you behave in different situations. This isn’t something you do once — it requires regular, consistent practice.

True self-understanding can only appear in awareness. When you shine the light of attention on your inner life, illusions begin to fall away.

Step 3: Separate What’s Yours From What’s Not

Ask yourself: Is this desire really mine? Or is it something I inherited from my parents, absorbed from society, or adopted out of fear of being less than others?

For example:

• Do you want a certain career because it excites you, or because it looks prestigious?

• Do you want a big house because you genuinely enjoy it, or because you’re afraid of looking unsuccessful?

Learning to distinguish between your authentic desires and the ones pushed onto you is one of the most important skills in life.

Step 4: Identify Your Values and Reactions

Pay attention to what truly stirs your emotions. Notice where you feel real joy, anger, fear, or inspiration. Ask yourself:

• When do I feel alive and full of energy?

• When do I feel empty, drained, or indifferent?

Your emotions are like road signs. They point you toward what matters to you and away from what doesn’t.

Step 5: Acknowledge Your Inner Conflicts

We all have contradictions inside us. For example:

• “I want peace, but I keep saying yes to things that overload me.”

• “I say I’m happy, but I feel constant anxiety.”

These conflicts show the places where you are losing yourself. They are not signs of failure — they are clues. If you learn to look at them honestly, they will tell you where to start changing.

Practical Tools to Understand Yourself

1. Watch Your Automatic Patterns

Begin noticing what you do without thinking. Write it down. For example:

• When do I say “yes” when I really want to say “no”?

• In what situations do I copy my parents’ behavior or the behavior of people around me?

Awareness of these patterns is the first step to breaking them.

2. The Honesty Journal

Every evening, ask yourself two questions:

• “What did I do today, not because I wanted to, but because I thought I had to?”

• “Where did I lie to myself today?”

Writing this down helps you see how much of your life is built on habit, pressure, or self-deception.

3. The List of “Not My” Desires

Make a list of your desires and ask:

• Do I really want this?

• Why do I want it?

• Who told me this was important?

• If I never get it, will I truly suffer — or just feel that my ego is hurt?

This exercise will surprise you. You might find that half the things you chase after don’t even matter to you.

4. Connect With Your Body and Emotions

Your body always tells the truth. If you don’t feel your emotions, it means you are disconnected from yourself. Practice three times a day:

• Ask: “What am I feeling right now?”

• Ask: “Where do I feel it in my body?”

• Ask: “Why is this feeling here?”

This practice grounds you in reality and prevents you from living only in your head.

How to Understand What You Truly Want

Many people confuse comfort or habit with real desire. To see the difference, use these questions:

1. Imagine Life Without Pressure

Suppose you don’t need approval, money, or social recognition. What would you do? Who would you become? What would you keep doing just because it interests you?

2. Look for the Fire

Where do you feel a spark inside you? What activities give you energy instead of draining it? When do you lose track of time because you’re so engaged? These are signs of true desire.

3. Notice Where You Betray Yourself

Your weak spots reveal your true needs. If you want peace but always overload yourself, that’s a clue. If you want honesty but often pretend, that’s a clue too.

Where you keep betraying yourself is where your deepest desires are hiding.

Final Thought

We believe we are making conscious decisions, but often we are just running old programs. Understanding yourself means turning off autopilot and taking responsibility for your choices.

Self-knowledge is not about reaching a final answer like “This is who I am.” It’s about building the ability to see clearly, to separate illusion from truth, and to live in line with your real values and desires.

The journey never ends — but with each step of awareness, you become more authentic, more free, and more alive.